I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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