she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
