You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize