:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
