you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
