Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Don't make out with my wife yet
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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