Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
