What did we do last night that was yellow?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
