Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
