Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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