Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
