Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
