When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
