She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
