I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
