Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
