and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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