Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
