Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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