I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
