i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
