Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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