Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
