To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
