I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
