I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
