It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
