My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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