I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
