I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
