history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize