There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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