if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
