We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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