it was like his penis was on wheels.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
