had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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