Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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