then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
