Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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