Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
