How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
