I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you will always have a special place in my vag
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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