It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
