Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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