Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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