Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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