Jerry, you need to find god
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
