Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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