dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
