I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
