the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
