i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
