like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
