Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is Oprah even human
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
