Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
