My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the day after is always just damage control
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
