you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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