Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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