Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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