Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
