Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sorry about my life...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize