I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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