You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize