Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
