I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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