well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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