i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
