i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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