they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
